3rd day of boring schoolday

It’s so boring I can eat myself. My classmate asked me why am I so QUIET in class on facebook, and I was like “planning how to jump so that I can die and not just break my legs…><”

Okay so it isn’t true but that’s what I’m feeling for the past few days. Ever since 29th when I had my last choir performance. (I dreamt about it for a couple of times…><) It worsens after I went to my new school…

I HATE CHANGE!!

Cried for two days straight, A LOT. Almost every hour, and when I do, the crying goes on for more than 20minutes. Now I don’t really cry anymore, but I think I'm going to change again. Something like ice…cold, reserved. More difficult to get to know, like in the past. I don’t know why exactly…but when change is forced upon me, I change too.

2years ago I was like this, difficult to get acquainted to people and seem very shy. I had always been like this. But when I knew people well I usually warm up to them and go on to become good friends. Then in secondary school I decided to put the past behaviour behind me. I realized I had grown up, and being shy wasn’t going to help me in any way.

So I improved on my social skills. I became easy to get along with, friendly and sociable with people, and even made lots of friends, in different classes of the same form and even had some friends of different forms. Anyone who knew me during that time would never connect me with shyness. I was the opposite of it, declaring my views and opinions without being prompted.

I was the most outgoing in these 2years. And I thought I could last well till Form 5. I had a load of friends, and I’m not afraid of people anymore. How much better could things be??

And then suddenly I get CHANGED to a school where I know nothing of and had nothing. I LOSE everything there. My status, my friends, my co-curriculum, and most of all, my confidence. I am not prepared to build things up from scratch again.

I felt like it was so useless to have better people skills and have friends all over the school only to be changed from it when things just look really good to me. I’m fed up about it. What’s the point of making friends when you can’t stay with them for long? When you keep on changing schools until nobody really remembers you?

Is 5 years at the same school and 2/3 years at two different schools the same? No. People will forget you if you don’t stay with them very long. And I don’t need friends at every school in Penang, I just need friends to really remember me because I was one of their longest friends you know?

For now, I’m deciding on being INACTIVE. Until I know what everything is going on. I’ve been quite active in class for so many years, this is the first time I’m keeping quiet and minding my own business. To say the truth, I’m not made for being silent. But what to do? I don’t have the energy to run around the class talking anymore.

Depression SETS IN.

So I’m going to have a new motto:

Talking extra less, studying extra more, and aiming for SPM in the loooong run. No more chatting in class while the teacher is teaching! No more of the 8 crazy mottos for me! >.<

And friends, well, let the whole thing run its course. I’m tired of trying extra hard to be friends with everyone. Especially when part of them who knew me pretended not to know me. Kui us being friends and classmates for so long. Given up on this whole thing.

I’ll carefully preserve the few best friends I have, be friendly to the other friends I have, be nice to acquaintances and as for people I don’t know, well, let them decide whether to talk to me or not.

Till then,