XYUENX: An Indigenuous Cloud

What do you do when you are stuck in some place that you dislike and you can't escape?
You get depressed.

Being angry and screaming and crying is really easy, but depression isn't.
Depression is when you want to cry, but can't.
Depression is when you want to scream and go crazy, but can't, because there is so much to do and you don't have the time for getting upset about stuff.

Ditto.

I would love to say that I am happy all the time, but I am not.
I would love to just be what I feel, to snap at people when I am feeling shitty, but I cannot.
One has to follow unwritten social rules: one has to act, pretend, put on a mask and go on stage.

I am tired. Not tired of the shitty stuff, cause shit happens in life, but of all the pretense and insincerity that shrouds my life. I feel like I am turning into a pretentious idiot myself even.
So apparently showing stress, showing depression and so on are signs of weakness. A strong person should be grinding the teeth and put on a million-watt smile EVERY.SINGLE.F.DAY.

I am just ranting here I guess.
I am just tired.

Masks of pretense.

I really, really hate pretense. Sometimes I miss my friends, people like YP. I miss her so much because she is so real. As in she doesn't give a shit about what people think. She has her own mind which makes her unique. She doesn't conform to others. We need more people like her.

I miss my old friends.

I think people here are weird and pretentious. I do like some of them, and I have my circle of good friends who I am beginning to care about, but most of them are just...different. They don't get me, and I don't get them, and being one who condemns insincerity, I just don't want to care.
Most of the time I like to do things alone if I can't find anyone I remotely believe in to work with me. I like to eat alone sometimes because of the patience I have with myself and I don't have to rush through my food or wait for people to finish.

Sometimes it's a good thing to have fake people in this world!

People are so lost to trends and are always trying to find a way to "fit in" with the popular people. I am not against popularity, after all, being popular is awesome and popular people get their way faster by charming their way through. But those who "wants to be popular" with those naturals are just so sad. They are not themselves as they were before because they are too scared to be themselves, because they think that "something is wrong with the real me as I'm not popular".

Lives are nothing but a fake disingenuous cloud. :(
Sometimes I can see some people changing from their genuine beautiful selves into desperate followers trying to conform. Which is so sad because I actually like them before.