Three Ends, A Beginning

To you,

Life has been great without you.

And I am happy now

You who have broken me up so much

Even though you are to blame for most of my insecurities

I will still thank you

Thank you for breaking me down time and time again

Chance after chance

Betrayal after betrayal

So that I know that I should never tolerate what you did

So that I know what it was like to break up

So that I learnt how to move on

From an extremely toxic relationship

That I wasn't even aware of 

That I continued to hold on to

Because I believed so much in you

Because I believed so much in us

From you, 

I have learnt that I am incredibly trusting

Incredibly tolerant

Incredibly forgiving

And I should never, ever, ever let anyone destroy me 

The way you destroyed me. 

To you,

I would like to apologise

For being unable to be there for you as you envisioned

For leading you on and for hurting you so much

I am sorry that I am being such a horrible specimen

I am fond of you but sadly not the way you want us to be

I am sure such compatibility between us is a rare find

But chemistry really matters to me

And there was none for me

Thank you for understanding me so completely and all my moods

And for spending time with me for a couple of months

And even after that, for being there for me when you should hate me to hell's end

For listening to me talking about him even though it hurts

For not saying "serves you right"

Now I know how it feels like to hurt someone

It hurts me so much that I shall never forgive myself

From you,

I have learnt that I am an asshole

Incredibly superficial

Incredibly childish

And I should never, ever, ever lead someone else on

The way I led you on.

To you,

I would like to say,

I will no longer fault and condemn myself for what has failed.

I am capable of it, of commitment.

I will prove that it was not me and it was you.

You failed me. 

You failed us.

It was my fault as well I know

But a true man does not run away from conflicts.

He stands his ground and he solves it.

After you, I grew something called self-doubt

Which has grown so hard to erase

Because you were frustrated and pissed with so many parts of me

That I don't see myself as even normal anymore

Now I know how heartbreaking something this short could be

And how helpless one can feel when everything is falling apart

From you,

I have learnt that I am incredibly clingy

Incredibly sensitive

Incredibly stubborn on my own assumptions

And I should never, ever, ever like an actual best friend

The way I liked you.

And to you,

My very special one,

I have no words to describe you.

You frustrate me so much to such extent

That sometimes I want to hit you

But then you also make me feel 

How every annoying moment is worth it

You are alike to me in so many, many ways

And yet we are so different

On the way we think about everything

But you also complete me

Even though we have minor conflicts everywhere

It makes me realise how real the love is

And how much you care about me to try and talk through them

And how you learn to see my flaws as my perfection

And how you bring out the best in me.

From you,

I have learnt that I am still very much all of the above,

Incredibly frustrated but also

Incredibly happy

And I should never, ever, ever give up on us

Because I love you.