如果我变成回忆~你会怎样？ Mood drop~

 如果我变成回忆

累了照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例想你了
好怕一放心睡了
心跳在梦中不听话的
就停止了

听着呼吸像浪潮拍动着
越 美丽越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏都难掌握

如果我 变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅 行
我会恨自己如此狠心

如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没 机会白着头发
蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你
我不怪你

快乐什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的
最舍不得

如果我变成回忆最怕我太不争气
顽固地赖在空气
霸占你心里每一寸缝隙
连累依然爱我 的你痛苦承受失去
这样不公平请你尽力
把我忘记

(Lots of shortforms, sorry!!!)
 
These days keep listening 2 dis song...dunno y...jz feel down...haiz....

Feel very sad and very unhappy and oversensitive...

He's nt online now...

Guess I'll pei myself...

Every day,

Feel so lonely..

I had 2 study 9 hrs since 11am

Jz 2 b online nw...

Jz 2 talk 2 him..

Jz 2 pei him..

N he nw off..

I din 怪 him..

Bt i feel so lonely..

Dunno y...

Even though everyday still say i love you

N everyday still smile n b caring

I have a strange feeling

Dat everyday seems lyk d last day...

Dat our relationship lyk deteriorating...

Into nth...

Sometimes i jz find fault with him...

sometimes i jz cnt control n let out all my feelings...

I dunno y i do dat...

I still love him...bt i still hurt him...

Is this unfair 2 him?

These days i cry very easily...

N feel very 无助...

Is this normal?

Does everything end jz lyk dis?

I always take 4 granted everythg dat he does 4 me...

He's 2 perfect dat i 4gt d reality of life...

I am so 幸福 is only bcoz he loves me..

If he doesn't

He wouldn't even give a damn abt me...

If he doesn't 

He wouldn't even care even if i love him 

I forget that.

Im nt vry happy these days...

Filled with loneliness and sadness
My parents especially my dad starts 2 leave me alone
When he wn c movie or wat
He never invite me anymore
Jz c by himself or pei my mom
I feel so alone...
Lyk i don't belong in my family anymore
I used 2 comfort myself of d fact dat i still have me
Vry lol bt it works
Den since i have DL...i start 2 think of him
N everytime anyone leaves me out of any activity
I'll just smile at his photo, touch his face n say 2 myself
I still have my bf
Who loves me unconditionally and will wn 2 do everythg with me
N i mean a lot 2 him
N nth is nice without me
N im nt just a responsibility.


Mayb im a responsibility 2 my parents
Although dey choose 2 hv me
Bt dey din choose my personality
So dey cn hate my personality
Dey cn dislike me 
Dey cn leave me out of every nice thg..
Bt dey are still responsible 4 me


Bt DL...he cn choose 2 love me or nt
Bcoz its nt his responsibility
He is loving me as myself n nt bcoz its a 负担
N im nt alone anymore in my world......
Bcoz i have someone who really loves me and no one cn say he HAS to love me...
He doesn't HAVE TO...he CHOOSES to...
Thx...

I don't want him 2 leave me

Bt i keep pushing him away n away...

So far away...

I dunno y im doing dis...mayb coz im afraid we're 2 close

If we're 2 close...

I'll start 2 treat him as a fren...
Im grateful 4 him...really...bt...I have these confused feelings...vry difficult feelings...

Why is love so difficult? 

Why is everything going the wrong way?

Why can feelings change...even when d heart doesn't change?

Why does everythg goes against us...

Even ourselves?

I don't know what 2 do...

It hurts...

And yet...

If he dies...I'll nvr b able 2 get over him...

N I'll cry until...

Mayb datz hw im gonna b blind?

Love is so irrational..

Love is so uncontrollable..

Im sry 4 everythg DL...

Im jz a girl...im jz an inexperienced girl...

Im jz a normal girl 

Im jz...

I can't do anythg much...i can't do anythg big...

Im sry if i cnt give u d happiness u want..

I can only give so much...

Cn only love so much...

Not mor n not less...

N i cnt do much dat u wn...

Mayb im wrong 4 accepting u

4 making u hvaving 2 承受my moods...

4 having u 2 love me even when im nt wat u wn..

Pls forgive me

I love you