Sorry...

I know you feel bad...

Cuz you think I don't love you more than anyone else...

But its not true.

I know my words and my actions don't match...that's why you don't trust what I say anymore..

And I know you have every right to say you don't believe me.

I also don't believe myself.

But how do I prove that I really love you?

Feel totally depressed nowadays. Have been crying every single day, since PMR. I think if I go and see a psychologist, I'd be diagnosed as having critical depression and anxiety.

I feel suicidal.

What more evidence do you need to show that I'm crazy?

I feel crazy.

I have been crying. My eyes are going to be permanently sore. I can barely open my eyes fully wide. Whole day half-open half-closed. And I look like a real-life human panda being hit in the eye.

And its not just my eyes hurting.

My heart hurts as well.

And even though I've been making late-night calls just to explain things to him, and he already is nice to me and he says he's forgiven me and he even laughs with me..

I still feel empty.

Ya I told him, I want him to be happy and love me and treat me like usual, and he did it. He did everything I said.

But when I'm alone from him, when I can't hear his voice, feel his presence, look at him, when I'm away from him totally, I stopped feeling wonderful.

I imagined everything to be worse, and he's still angry, he's still sad, he hates me, he doesn't love me anymore, and then I think a lot of other stupid stuff, and gets so worried I cry again.

Then I feel bad all over.

And I just want go sleep and never wake again.