Hmm. Sorry for being on such a long hiatus. Was collecting my feelings back after scattering it all over the place.
Easier said than done, but I'm okay now. On the right track to feeling myself again.
No idea what I was doing for the past week getting over it, but it wasn't that bad, I had my best friends save for one, who being the centre of it all evidently could not/will not/must not/should not do anything about it.
On a positive note about the whole thing, it had been some time since I felt this right. No holding back, no feeling something is wrong somewhere. The happy moments were truly happy, and though someone might beg to differ, I think that we had a whole cluster of happy times to hold on to.
You tend to forget happiness when you're stressed out.
I did so want to do this right, since it's not always you can find someone you actually cared about despite all his shortcomings. And I guess he did too, but in the end we're so lost that we didn't even know what to say or do anymore to turn this back on track.
Definition of best friend: can joke,talk, listen to you, do stuff together and be there for you, but not all of them will have the same way of thinking as you.
And when the minds go separate ways, hearts have to follow.
He was being, well, chivalrous by being honest about stuff, by saying he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, that we're both better off without this, and by pushing me out of the line of fire because dragging on will just cause more hurt on both sides.
It's no good to do anything when someone in the relationship isn't ready and that differences between us are obvious. It isn't relevant to how much people likes you, or how good you are, or how much you believe in people. They're all parallel to being ready, nothing can make someone flip the I'm-Ready switch in a flash just because of all those above.
We may be blinded at first by infatuation so deep that neither I gave a damn how different we are, I believed we could handle it, nor he cared how ready he is, he believed he could handle it. Being in love psychologically gives you superhuman way of thinking, I guess. And when riding on a high comes to a stop, we're thrown off into a pit of uncertainty and despair. That's when it's time to open our eyes.
That's why it's called a whirlwind romance, you're sucked into the heat of it all suddenly, and it ended as suddenly too. And when it ended, you're probably burned since the intensity was coming from both sides.
Being ready takes time, but sometimes when the time isn't right, you have to let go.
Understanding each other takes effort, but when the contrast is too big, you have to let go.
And you have to believe that everything, everything happens for a reason, even if it might not be obvious at first.
Sometimes when you've done all you can, it's best to leave things alone.
There's nothing else you can do, nothing else to salvage when the reason is not being ready, when the reason are over conflicting ways and a tremendous clash of differences.
In every break both are scarred, always. Failing a relationship will always set both of our confidence back, no matter who ended it. But failure is always the road to success. Giving up on a relationship doesn't mean giving up on love.
Don't give up. Every failure is a learning chance. If you don't fail, how would you gain experience?
I'd rather go for things on my own instinct and fail and learn from it, rather than avoiding the risks of getting hurt and never live life to the fullest. Even a bad experience is an experience itself.
I try not to regret the decision to even begin this. It's easy to regret; we were already close friends even before this. We had a lot to talk about, we were always laughing, and we stood up for each other and did stuff together as good friends. There was nothing much else we needed except a title and a right.
And for a title, we lost something, a beautiful, close friendship. But then. You need to lose it in order to realize it was beautiful in the first place. Perhaps it can come back, complete with all the laughter and happiness as before, but with time.
Now's awkward? I guess. I'm not and he said he's not, but we weren't as close or have lots to talk about as before anymore. In the past, conversations just went on naturally. Now talking feels like struggling. =.=
Life is too short to regret stuff that you did. It's so much better to keep the happiest memories, let go of all the bad ones, and keep a treasured friendship, if possible. But of course, both of us have to make the last one work. One cannot hold up a friendship all by oneself, as like any other relationships.
Recovering takes time. But I think that still being good friends shows that we're both mature enough to let go and get over the fact that we were not compatible enough to be something more.
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| Cats and dogs can be friends despite stark contrast. ;) |
I think this way. Do you?
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