Carsick

I don't know why I get carsick all the time.

I used to never be carsick. When I was younger, I can read books after books in the car ALL THE TIME (because I was too hooked on the stories) and look at maps after maps (no GPS generation) to make sure we're going the right way.

What happened? I don't know. Now I can't even ride at the back of the car for 15 minutes without going crazy. I get sooooo nauseated and dizzy but I never vomit (good thing). I get airsick also, and most probably seasick. The only redeeming factor is that I don't vomit. No one would ever dare have me in their cars if I vomit.

I have never taken meds for that before and I don't want to. I have an aversion to meds because I think that it makes us dependent on it. So. :)

It's sad that I can't even sit properly in the car now, let alone read anything. :(

It is lucky to have friends who drive. I can drive, but I don't have a car in KL, and over in Penang my parents STILL wouldn't let me drive out alone.
I am very very glad that my friends here are all safe drivers (maybe one exception hahaha) and I trust them. :)

Next time I'm gonna sit up front so that I don't get this annoying motion sickness.
It's the next best thing to driving. :D

Falling-A-Sick

God. I haven't been blogging for like forever. Every time I feel like writing something I am either too sleepy or too busy. No time for writing anymore.
Sad
Cries
Dies.

I HAVE TO MAKE IT A POINT TO REMEMBER.

*puts up a sticky note on my desktop*

So. I am extremely sick now. Like sick sick. Kinda sick since Tuesday, extremely sick since Friday, and not functioning on Saturday. Today I went to a clinic (which cost a freaking RM110) and got my meds. Feeling much better already. Antibiotics ftw although I try very very hard not to depend on them. However symptoms have been increasingly terrible since Friday and I have been paralysed on the sofa for the whole Saturday, so yeah.

Quite some people have been sick in the college. It's so easy to get infected because the college is so cold and so contagious. All my close friends are sick because we're overly attached like that. Haha.

Anyway. I have been quite lazy recently, although my social circle is already fixed. I can't really do much without first setting my circle boundaries and picking close friends. I know it sounds weird but I am dependent like that, I need a few close friends to anchor to while I swim out and see what's going on out there. :)

I'm glad I spent time to be with my close friends though, because I am much happier now than before. :) love you guys soooo much, we hang out soooo often and you people made my day everyday. <3

Oh and I have a little secret too! :P
Although it's getting more obvious in college anyways. :x
Didn't expect that to happen though, totally quite an unexpected twist to my life.
My life is weird like that. Things turn up when you least expect it to.
But. I'm not regretting. It's been so much fun and happiness.
I hope it never ends. :)

Okay I'm going to fall into deep slumber now after taking my flu meds! Goodnight people. :)

Love,

An Indigenuous Cloud

What do you do when you are stuck in some place that you dislike and you can't escape?
You get depressed.

Being angry and screaming and crying is really easy, but depression isn't.
Depression is when you want to cry, but can't.
Depression is when you want to scream and go crazy, but can't, because there is so much to do and you don't have the time for getting upset about stuff.

Ditto.

I would love to say that I am happy all the time, but I am not.
I would love to just be what I feel, to snap at people when I am feeling shitty, but I cannot.
One has to follow unwritten social rules: one has to act, pretend, put on a mask and go on stage.

I am tired. Not tired of the shitty stuff, cause shit happens in life, but of all the pretense and insincerity that shrouds my life. I feel like I am turning into a pretentious idiot myself even.
So apparently showing stress, showing depression and so on are signs of weakness. A strong person should be grinding the teeth and put on a million-watt smile EVERY.SINGLE.F.DAY.

I am just ranting here I guess.
I am just tired.

Masks of pretense.

I really, really hate pretense. Sometimes I miss my friends, people like YP. I miss her so much because she is so real. As in she doesn't give a shit about what people think. She has her own mind which makes her unique. She doesn't conform to others. We need more people like her.

I miss my old friends.

I think people here are weird and pretentious. I do like some of them, and I have my circle of good friends who I am beginning to care about, but most of them are just...different. They don't get me, and I don't get them, and being one who condemns insincerity, I just don't want to care.
Most of the time I like to do things alone if I can't find anyone I remotely believe in to work with me. I like to eat alone sometimes because of the patience I have with myself and I don't have to rush through my food or wait for people to finish.

Sometimes it's a good thing to have fake people in this world!

People are so lost to trends and are always trying to find a way to "fit in" with the popular people. I am not against popularity, after all, being popular is awesome and popular people get their way faster by charming their way through. But those who "wants to be popular" with those naturals are just so sad. They are not themselves as they were before because they are too scared to be themselves, because they think that "something is wrong with the real me as I'm not popular".

Lives are nothing but a fake disingenuous cloud. :(
Sometimes I can see some people changing from their genuine beautiful selves into desperate followers trying to conform. Which is so sad because I actually like them before.

Nothing but clouds.

It's okay. Whatever floats your boat.
I like the real me as I am.
And to all my real, real friends out there, I miss you guys.
So much.

:),