So Much of Nothing

One can feel so much something,
Yet so much nothing.

If actually feeling something is being oversensitive and poses a danger to any relationship with any human, is it better to feel nothing, play safe and prevent chronic pessimism?

Feeling like a statue, a stone cold statue
Why does one feel nothing? Exhaustion? Of what?
It frightens me that I am feeling almost nothing, whatever you do, whatever happens.
I take it in a stride of indifference
Flows along in a river of nonchalance
Why?

Why am I such extremes, as if I am bipolar
Overwhelmed by emotions at first, and now what?
Simply a lack of concern, simply I don't care
Why can't one be healthy, balanced and wonderful?

Whatever suits you, whatever floats your boat
Whatever makes you happy
Just go ahead and do it
Even if you neglect me, even if you forget me
I am indifferent to it, do whatever you like.

I wish I can hate you, I wish this still hurts and upsets me
I wish I still bother to argue with you
But this change, this change in me
Is unnerving, is frightening even me,
The owner of my mind and my heart
The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.

Why do I not care anymore?
How is it possible that one single moment can change one whole level of feelings?
How is it possible that one can change without your own consent?
Is this irreversible?

And life, is such a sad responsibility
In this annoying world with too much superficiality and too much noise.

Stress Gonna Hit Hard In A Week

I'm a happy-go-lucky person.

I don't stress out until the day stress hits.
As in I am not a chronic stressor. I am an acute stressor.
(psychology much. :x)

Anyways. People have been stressing out a lot these days while preparing for the start of the new semester. IB holidays are cool, they gave us a month in December and school starts in January, which is great 'cause it makes me feel like high school all over again and it feels kinda proper.

I have not been stressing out. In fact, I'm still having fun being addicted to Temple Run 2, lazing around in bed and not getting up before 2pm, so on and so forth.
I haven't done much of homework, for example psych essays, english commentary, econs IA and IOP are all waiting for me, not to mention research and reading of Woman At Point Zero.
(according to friends, it's graphic and very ew. I wonder how ew. Maus wasn't ew at all and people say it's graphically violent. I'm like, you disappoint me, Maus. .________.)

That said, I have finished my Psych IA entirely 101%. As in including the cover page and everything. I swear I spent more time cutting out stuff from it to fit the word count than writing and conducting it combined. :x
However, I'm still a bit unsure whether all the bits are proper or not though. I'll have to look around for someone to help me check it through.

And I've updated my CAS wiki, plus edited all the newsletter articles and written mine, and also attended 3 days of Myvillage camp. And I attended a high school class gathering. So I did do quite some stuff. :)
And I'm planning for the 4 days I'm gonna bring Nic, LeE and B around Penang. I'm stressed out over that because they're coming like tomorrow and I'm worried shitless that they might be bored or things might go wrong or something. :x
Mar and Laj gonna come too but Laj had dengue at the last minute so they're not coming anymore. Sads. Get well soon though :)

So we were trying to find people to come but all of them so very stressed out and doing their homework and stuff so they can't. Haih. Whys all kiasu people you tell me. :/
I would've asked my friends along if they didn't happen to be Penangites. :x
Oh well.
Oh yeah, I could've asked Myvillage peeps like the four-blooded guy and Nabil. Buts then it's soooo late already now. Bus leaving 9.30am tomorrow.
Never mind lahs. Double date it is.

Stress coming in a week when semester 2 starts again, so I might as well make full use of the next few days and enjoy moreeeees. :D

Okays now back to memorising all the bus routes................................................
Love,

2.0.1.4

Okay I am back here again.
I couldn't post anything last night because I was stranded at a place with no wifi no data no nothing except a useless phone.
.______________.

I am..uh..*counts with fingers and toes* 19 this year. ._.
Running out of toes next year. ._.

Anyways.
I'm gonna post a year review here. I don't know why is it that this year is full of FB year statuses. o.O meh, so mainstream, I rather post it here. Being a private human I rather not blah all ewwity stuffs out to peoples who don't-give-a-shit. Okay blogs aren't private either but at least peoples come here because they give two shits.

2013 was a weird year.

First half:
The Upsides:
-Get to explore Penang with high school friends!
-Experience bus-hopping around the island
-Going for interviews with friends
-Getting my P driving license
-Being clear on what I want through relationships :3
-Getting the awesome chance to laze around at home.

Personally I think it was a good thing to spend some time without restrictions and deadlines and whatnot because later on in life there will always be something coming up to rob me of my free time. So yeah. Parents were also miraculously supportive of me starting my pre-u late in life.

The Downsides:
-Bored to death
-Breaking someone's heart
-Getting own heart broken and being emos for over a month (but that's okay and over with)

I believe every relationship ended is a lesson learnt. And I got over it so it's fine, no worries.

Here are some collages of my first half of 2013. :D
Of course it doesn't include ALL of what I did, for example the interviews and also driving school, but here are some of the stuffs we did and places we went. :)

WQ's birthday celebration at Straits Quay

Bowling + Snooker at Prangin

Botanical Gardens

CNY steamboat gathering

Street Art Day

Escape theme park

ZG and SC's birthdays 

Breakfast at ZB's house

CNY Gathering at QB

Okay. I hate making collages. Too much time. Hmphs.

Second half:
The Upsides:
-Leaving home on my own finally!
-Making new friends
-Catching up on the IB syllabus
-Surviving on my own.
-Much freedom.
-Unexpected relationship!

The Downsides:
-Different way of living.
-Much kiasu people, rich people, judgemental people, snobs etc.
-Miss high school friends :/
-Transportation restrictions (hate waiting for public transport so yeah)
-Dealing with lots of stuff without family
-Stress level kinda high.

Every friendship line used to be genuine. Here, it's usually networking. Socialising for possible own benefits/profits. :(
But it's okay. I'm genuine! :)

SO. 2014. I need to make resolutions. I've never made resolutions because I don't see the need, 'cause I'm like if I wanna do it, I'll try my best, with or without resolutions.

But since B wanted me to do it, I shall. No difference anyways. :3
So here are my resolutions:

-Get a 7 in all six IB subjects! (so that I can get good predicted grades to apply unis)
-Apply to my dream unis (and backup unis) properly and in time
-Get good conditional offers for my dream unis
-Maintain good ties with classmates and friends in college
-Attend old friends gatherings whenever I can.
-Strengthen relationship between B and I > by studying, watching anime, designing games and going new places together
-Work on communication issues
-Study more systematically
-Travel to more places that I haven't been to :3
-Manage time better so I can rest more + do more things (and not just study my head off)
-Eat more, sleep more and be happier. :D

.__. Actually I just wanna everything to go well this beautiful new year. Even though it isn't really a new year, as in years are created by humans to make counting easier, and not because this day is any more special than yesterday or tomorrow. But a new year signifies a new beginning, and give people hope that their coming days will be better.

I really don't have much to say about. All I want is to experience everything life offers, not restrict myself on anything except stuffs against my values, have better relationships with humans I am close to or am forced to be close to, and generally live a good life.
I don't aim for perfection in one thing, but hope to get the chance to touch on many things, even if I sucks at all of them. :)

And to all my old and new readers out there, thanks for reading through and
have a blessed new year ahead!
Love,