Three Ends, A Beginning

To you,

Life has been great without you.

And I am happy now

You who have broken me up so much

Even though you are to blame for most of my insecurities

I will still thank you

Thank you for breaking me down time and time again

Chance after chance

Betrayal after betrayal

So that I know that I should never tolerate what you did

So that I know what it was like to break up

So that I learnt how to move on

From an extremely toxic relationship

That I wasn't even aware of 

That I continued to hold on to

Because I believed so much in you

Because I believed so much in us

From you, 

I have learnt that I am incredibly trusting

Incredibly tolerant

Incredibly forgiving

And I should never, ever, ever let anyone destroy me 

The way you destroyed me. 

To you,

I would like to apologise

For being unable to be there for you as you envisioned

For leading you on and for hurting you so much

I am sorry that I am being such a horrible specimen

I am fond of you but sadly not the way you want us to be

I am sure such compatibility between us is a rare find

But chemistry really matters to me

And there was none for me

Thank you for understanding me so completely and all my moods

And for spending time with me for a couple of months

And even after that, for being there for me when you should hate me to hell's end

For listening to me talking about him even though it hurts

For not saying "serves you right"

Now I know how it feels like to hurt someone

It hurts me so much that I shall never forgive myself

From you,

I have learnt that I am an asshole

Incredibly superficial

Incredibly childish

And I should never, ever, ever lead someone else on

The way I led you on.

To you,

I would like to say,

I will no longer fault and condemn myself for what has failed.

I am capable of it, of commitment.

I will prove that it was not me and it was you.

You failed me. 

You failed us.

It was my fault as well I know

But a true man does not run away from conflicts.

He stands his ground and he solves it.

After you, I grew something called self-doubt

Which has grown so hard to erase

Because you were frustrated and pissed with so many parts of me

That I don't see myself as even normal anymore

Now I know how heartbreaking something this short could be

And how helpless one can feel when everything is falling apart

From you,

I have learnt that I am incredibly clingy

Incredibly sensitive

Incredibly stubborn on my own assumptions

And I should never, ever, ever like an actual best friend

The way I liked you.

And to you,

My very special one,

I have no words to describe you.

You frustrate me so much to such extent

That sometimes I want to hit you

But then you also make me feel 

How every annoying moment is worth it

You are alike to me in so many, many ways

And yet we are so different

On the way we think about everything

But you also complete me

Even though we have minor conflicts everywhere

It makes me realise how real the love is

And how much you care about me to try and talk through them

And how you learn to see my flaws as my perfection

And how you bring out the best in me.

From you,

I have learnt that I am still very much all of the above,

Incredibly frustrated but also

Incredibly happy

And I should never, ever, ever give up on us

Because I love you.

And This Is How Semester 1 Ends

Semester 1 has officially ended with the conclusion of final exams. I am in shock at the rate time has passed so fast. OMG. How long ago was it that I came to TCSH for the very first day, attending my first IB class for the very first time?

Now prom is over, exams are over, and semester 1 is over.

I can't believe it.

And next month I'll be actually starting Sem 2. And in a little over a year, I'll be taking IB finals. OMG. *panics*

I'm really really sorry that I haven't been updating my blog since last month. I've been really really busy since I'm in numerous committees (prom being the largest and busiest among all), juggling academic, extra activities, social life and everything else. Prom this year is so awesome. I'm gonna blog about it in another post because I've got SO MUCH to mush about, but only when I get the pictures from B. Lighting was pretty dim so he has to edit all the photos.

Next biggest thing is my exams, which is actually pret-ty easy...but I'm not ve-ry sure about it. Lasted for only four days but was enough to kill me. I am so slacked until I didn't even study until like two days before exams. :(
And prom was like on the Saturday right before exams on Monday. :O

I had an unseen text for English HL, where I had to choose a prose/poem to do a commentary on. Previously I actually had a 20/20 for my poem comm (which was a hugeeee surprise! Cause I did it in 2 hours and didn't really aim for anything) which caused quite a lot of hype among the juniors, because people especially SLs are failing to write good comms (and a lot of them are kiasu, so.) I get frustrated when people ask how you get 20/20 though, cause you don't get it, you do your best to analyse and that's it. There's no fixed answer or formula like math or something. And then they go "oh I hate Lit because I can't get 20/20 for it". Sorry but I have no comment. =.=

I got 17 for prose comm though, which is really quite high but since I spent like 5 hours doing it, I figured I'll die in exams, so I went for the poem during exams (didn't even look at the prose), and it was quite interesting to analyse, but today Ms N just went like "I AM SO DEVASTATED" so I'm actually worried now, haha.

French was good, I got 136/140. However Ms MM tipped us off on a lot of the questions so I don't really think I'm very good lah, but I'm doing okay in the French basics. I can form simple present tense sentences now! Yay :D

Econs was worrying because I'm not sure if I got the concepts right, but should be all right I guess? Mr L always takes his time to mark though, so I'm like 200% sure he's giving the papers back next year, and I'm really jumpy about it because I love Econs and I'm taking it at HL and I'll be sad if I got low marks for it. I rewrote like 20pages of notes the night before and in the morning. :x

Maths was much easier than expected, the pre-exams practice questions Ms J gave us were much harder and scared the shit out of me the night before, cause I couldn't answer many of them and I needed to prepare Bio as well and I was freaking out big time. But the actual exam was really easy, I was really confident except for one question. I might be careless though (I always am).

On another note, Maths HL people were all dying and stuff because apparently Mr T set the questions like Level 11 difficulty and no one could finish all the questions. Some of them are considering to come SL LOL. Seeing them "OMG Math killed me!" made me feel so grateful and fortunate. :P

Bio was okay, I did okay. We had a class test the week before so I actually studied the difficult parts, and the easier parts were the ones already studied in SPM. I find SPM a really good foundation for science and maths. I breeze through the easy parts, although the subjective questions were really quite subjective and so my score is unpredictable.

Psychology was today. I'm most worried about Psych because it has the most stuffs to memorise (even though the tips gave by Ms P decreases the amount of content drastically), and I haven't actually studied in detail. And I was SO sleepy that I slept through the whole night and morning and only spent 2 hours cramming. Thank God B actually accompany me to study lah. I regurgitate stuff out and he actually remembered the stuff I was talking about LOL. But thanks to him I actually remember many stuff just before exams and I get to write like 10 pages in 2 hours. *fingers cramp* However Ms P is really strict about exams so I'm worried she might cut lots of marks for some reason. :(

ENGINEERS PSYCHOLOGY STUDENTS Preparation Before Exams

After the exam today I had two meetings, newsletter and prom post-mortem (which was really very sweet and much much love in the air!). Then Nic and B and I hang around, played pool and had dinner together. Was fun and happy because the stress aura is cleared and Nic is very much happier now. :D
(I get worried when my best friends are stressed/emo/sad/upset)

So yeah, today was a happy ending to Semester 1 and here comes my winter holidays!
It's for a month so expect more posts during December. :P
Yay to me!
Love,

October Flashback

I am still sitting at home feeling very very sick and bored, listening to music and chatting to busy friends. I feel so unproductive but too sick to care about homework. I have a month to my first semester exam and I'm still this chill. :x

But I'm sick. :(
(finding any excuse :P)

Blogging is always very productive though. :) So I decided to post a flashback of what I've been doing this October in college.

I got a surprise bouquet of red roses. :x

Then I found out who sent it. 

No surprise.

Red roses just don't work anymore. Nothing works anymore. 

And I'm glad. Letting go is the best feeling ever. :)

Taught kids at the orphanage again. :D 

I love this kid. 

He's a bit blur and shy but he's sooo affectionate when he gets used to me. <3

Agatha Christie! OMG. *faints in ecstasy*

Saw this at Curve with Bryan. :)

Bryan and Mar trying to solve my math question for me. 

Thank you! <3

Bio lab experiment: Benedict's test. The left one is changing colour! :D

Alllllll the colours. So pretty. <3

Ms Priscilla laughing non-stop behind that paper. Know why? Here's what we wrote for a story for a spontaneous psychology test on memory:

^ is what happens when you have three of the craziest minds together to write a story.

Had breakfast food for dinner once. 

This is what I get for hanging out with mentally disturbed friends. :P Hahahahahaha.

Went to the arcade at MidValley. 

First time having friends who are into arcade games. 

Okay my old friends do play as well, but different games.

And they like pc games better anyway.

Halloween dress-up! Mar spent 45mins on me to transform me into an alien. 

A very not-scary alien. Above: XC as a cat. Below: Mar as a clown. No one can recognise her. LOL.

She looks creepy as shit dressed like this I swear.

Halloween bio experiment. :P These are all human fluid. :P

Shit. Exam is coming in 1 month. And I have to study ALLLLLL THAT. :x

Abby's expression when she discovers that everyone around her are in relationships. HAHA.

She was soooo stunned that the expression lasted so long that I can take out my phone and snap it.

Yes I am bored. 

Bryan's camera. I'm toooooo lazy to bring Ethan to school cause he's heavy as shit. 

So I just use Bryan's cause he brings almost everyday. I haven't given it a name. Yet. :P

I think that's all haha. October has been pretty fun because I found close friends and we do everything together. (even going to the washroom will need all four of us to go together HAHA)

And I found someone very very special. :x

I love you guys again. 

Yes I am so mushy in my blog. 

Love,