An Indigenuous Cloud

What do you do when you are stuck in some place that you dislike and you can't escape?
You get depressed.

Being angry and screaming and crying is really easy, but depression isn't.
Depression is when you want to cry, but can't.
Depression is when you want to scream and go crazy, but can't, because there is so much to do and you don't have the time for getting upset about stuff.

Ditto.

I would love to say that I am happy all the time, but I am not.
I would love to just be what I feel, to snap at people when I am feeling shitty, but I cannot.
One has to follow unwritten social rules: one has to act, pretend, put on a mask and go on stage.

I am tired. Not tired of the shitty stuff, cause shit happens in life, but of all the pretense and insincerity that shrouds my life. I feel like I am turning into a pretentious idiot myself even.
So apparently showing stress, showing depression and so on are signs of weakness. A strong person should be grinding the teeth and put on a million-watt smile EVERY.SINGLE.F.DAY.

I am just ranting here I guess.
I am just tired.

Masks of pretense.

I really, really hate pretense. Sometimes I miss my friends, people like YP. I miss her so much because she is so real. As in she doesn't give a shit about what people think. She has her own mind which makes her unique. She doesn't conform to others. We need more people like her.

I miss my old friends.

I think people here are weird and pretentious. I do like some of them, and I have my circle of good friends who I am beginning to care about, but most of them are just...different. They don't get me, and I don't get them, and being one who condemns insincerity, I just don't want to care.
Most of the time I like to do things alone if I can't find anyone I remotely believe in to work with me. I like to eat alone sometimes because of the patience I have with myself and I don't have to rush through my food or wait for people to finish.

Sometimes it's a good thing to have fake people in this world!

People are so lost to trends and are always trying to find a way to "fit in" with the popular people. I am not against popularity, after all, being popular is awesome and popular people get their way faster by charming their way through. But those who "wants to be popular" with those naturals are just so sad. They are not themselves as they were before because they are too scared to be themselves, because they think that "something is wrong with the real me as I'm not popular".

Lives are nothing but a fake disingenuous cloud. :(
Sometimes I can see some people changing from their genuine beautiful selves into desperate followers trying to conform. Which is so sad because I actually like them before.

Nothing but clouds.

It's okay. Whatever floats your boat.
I like the real me as I am.
And to all my real, real friends out there, I miss you guys.
So much.

:),

MIAR Shelter- Saviour of Dogs

Hi again!

I am back with more updates on my life. :D

So I've been to this dog shelter in Kajang twice now, and what sets it really apart from the other shelters is that it not only caters to neglected, accident and abused dogs, it also spread word about the cruelty of the people assigned to catch strays. MIAR (Malaysian Independent Animal Rescue) took videos of these people while they abused the strays until they bled and choked on their own blood. :(
It is SO SAD!

Anyway, they are worth us helping out since they do not receive any funds from government or banks for what they are doing. :)
During our second visit, we bought rice, soap powder and bleach. :)

The dogs are really frisky but some of them are paralysed or are in some way handicapped. Some of them were abused by their owners with hot oil, large knives, ropes etc. One was even on his way to the restaurant when he was rescued. Most had maggots but were treated and removed.
In short, every dog there has a sad story to tell. :(

We played with the dogs and washed their food bowls. During our second visit, we made bows and ribbons for a few dogs who were going to attend a dog awareness dogathon.

Showing us how to wash

Took many many photos. All of them are so cute. Especially the puppies.
However I can't adopt any of them so I will resort to helping them at the shelter. :)

I love animals. Dogs, and especially cats.
We shouldn't be so cruel to man's best friend. :(

We should love them like our best friends! :)

Introducing Project ADOPT

Today is Saturday and I'm not at an orphanage teaching children basic English and Maths.
Shame on me.

Because the group I'm teaching is very dependent and terribly weak at the stuffs they are to learn, I am worrying over them and how Daryl (the other tutor in my group and fellow IB-mate) is coping with five (or six?) children who don't go to school.

To distract myself I'm dedicating some time to writing this post which is about this project I'm participating in, which is called Project ADOPT. I don't know if it's an acronym but I came up with some ideas about it which apparently many people quite like (but I don't because it's very unrefined LOL)

Anyway, it's a long-term project where we dedicate two hours (three including to and fro) to teaching basic academic stuff to some children at an Indian orphanage. Some of them go to school but need extra tutoring due to the lack of personal attention given to them, and some of them are unable to go to school because they don't have their birth certificates, hence they are not officially citizens and so they cannot attend school.

We usually help with Maths and English because these are the most important subjects to master, and also some art and craft and other subjects if we want to and if they can understand. They are fluent in Tamil and not bad in Malay, especially those who do go to school are generally more talkative and confident. Most are eager to learn however some need personal attention because they are shy and get distracted easily.

My first visit: Epic fail. Didn't know what to expect at all!
My second and third visit: Muchhhhhh better! I prepared some interesting printed worksheets, brought a few picture books and invested in a box of colour pencils (which is by far the best investment ever because they love to colour)

It is little wonder that the seniors left the project with a heavy heart. The eagerness and simple happiness and wonder of the children there grow on you and make you feel wonderful. You just feel like you hold the key to their future and you have the power to shape them slowly into more educated people, even though it's a long-term process.

It's meaningful. If I hadn't had to come home, I wouldn't miss a day with them for anything.
Their smiles are totally worth it. <3

My Poor Neglected Blog

Hi peeps!
(wonder if anyone still visits here anyway)

It's been sooooooooooooooooooo freaking long since I updated my blog. OMG. Time passes so fast and everyday has been really ultra super duper busy. So-oh-rry.
Life has been stressful, fast-paced and to be honest, quite depressing.
Which is why to get away, I came home. I am home now. Which explains why I'm here typing this out instead of pulling my hair out over all the due stuffs.

I am always calm and whatever-lah when I'm at home. I don't feel stressed at all because the source of stress is so far away from me and there's nothing, no book, no paper, no stuffs to make me stressed out. :D

I promise I shall write some more during this few days while I'm in Penang.
I love Penang. It has good food good air good places and above all,
Penang is my home and my sanctuary and my familiar territory. <3

J'aime la Penang. :3