I'll never forgive you...

I'm feeling totally down. 

Nothing can compare to this.

And I'll never forgive you for doing this to me.

Yeah, I know, you have to do it fast for teacher. You don't have time. But I don't think you have eyes either. Even though you have beautiful eyes...

You look so beautiful...even your friends admit that you're a beauty queen...

But you're biased...

That pretty much destroys everything I'm feeling~

Pretty much turns everything into rubbish~

And I'll never forgive you~

I know it's your idea to make me the substitute. 

But I believe that I'm not the worst.

Worst = substitute. 

But that couldn't have been me.

In the whole team you're the one who loses temper continuously, even though it's your fault sometimes. Sometimes you shout wrong commands, sometimes you shouted the command at the wrong time, for the wrong foot, or you just simply slowed down when you march. And you scream at everybody for doing it wrong.

Especially me.

I respect you as the commander, and I know being a commander is tough. And you have to be absolutely strict. But the problem is you keep making mistakes and then scolding us. If you want to be strict, go ahead, but make sure you're accurate first right?

I'm seriously thinking that you have PMS every single day.

You never gave me a standing chance to perform. You said the last time we practised was the time you secretly chose the substitute. I understand that.

But it was UNFAIR. You only witnessed 3 of us marching. Me and WQ were practising separately with your assistant commander. How could you compare us and the 3 people you witnessed???? WQ was perfect, she was just practising to be better. I'm the KEY PERSON. How come you didn't even witness me directly??

And you still smile at me ever so sweetly.

I'm the one who practices on when all others dropped into chairs in exhaustion. When they require 20 minutes of rest, I require the time to drink some water and I'm ready again.

I'm the one who was there on EVERY practise ON TIME. If I'm not, that is because I'm on urgent matter, and even that was rare.

I'm the one who tries so hard to understand all the concepts of every command, and try to perfect it so that I get YOUR COMPLIMENT.

You've wanted to put me in as substitute ever since you realized we have an extra person. But I wanted to change your thinking. That's why I tried my silly best by going through all the commands until I'm sure of every one. But to no avail.

I don't believe I'm the worst. I've never been the worst in anything I am interested in.

You ask WQ to tell me you're sorry. Like you really are. 

You said you will train me to be the best. Like you really care.

You said you want to discuss with me on Saturday but I didn't come. Like you really meant it.  

What if I say I absolutely WILL NOT be a substitute? Will you change your mind? No. Why? Because I told you before.

Those people just want to be in the team to show off or just win. But I'm the one who is passionate about it and will be perfect if you just let me.

I'll do the best. Why? Because, guess what, he is there to witness me. Together with all my friends. 

And now I can't do anything except praying for someone to fall sick that day? Huh??? Am I that bad?

Just because nobody have sentiments about me leaving, you put me in as substitute.

And because of you, I am not in action on April 23rd of the Annual Penang Prefect Drilling Competition.

Heartbroken.

Irrational Distress

Had been a long, dreadful week with everything going haywire. What’s the matter with my life? Can’t life just let me rest for a while with happiness overflowing? Is laughing while witnessing me fall time after time THAT entertaining?

Life isn’t fair, I get it. But how come I’m the one getting all the bad part of it???

DL…I don’t know what he has been doing. He doesn’t sound even a bit apologetic whenever he doesn’t call me for too long. I mean, not that I want him to hang around me like he doesn’t have a life, but he wasn’t like this. How come things get worse the longer we’re together?

Does he even care? I question myself.

 I’m going crazy wondering and worrying and he just laughs everything off. He has never been like that. At least he cared how I feel in the past. Now?

Which makes me overthink too much and start to be so SO suspicious about him. I love him, but he doesn’t seem to really care about me. He didn’t call me 4 days, I was like “oh my god did he end up in a hospital or worse, in a coffin?” and crying and worrying and literally BEGGING him to just sms me or something so that I can stop worrying.

Guess what? He never did that.

And then he called in the middle of the night after I cried myself to sleep.

If I had been awake and had picked up the call, I bet my first two words would be

F**K you.

Yeah, f**k you for not calling me FOUR WHOLE DAYS and ignoring me for whatever reasons and never EVEN thought about me and HOW I WOULD BE FEELING. That’s what hurt me the most. Not about him ignoring me, but about how he never even thought that I would be worrying like shit and he could just pick up a public phone and call me.

Whatever. He used to be the Superman, able to do ANYTHING just so long as he could get to me.

And now? Excuses, baby, excuses. My phone was confiscated, my parents’ phones were hidden, the school public phones and all the phones in the world were spoilt, my friends don’t have phones, my friends don’t have facebooks, my friends can’t tell you I’m alive, NOBODY CAN TELL YOU I AM ALIVE, and all in all, LONG STORY SHORT, there is absolutely NO WAY I can get to you.

 And now? I’m waiting for my phone to ring. The day before yesterday he called me at 8pm, I couldn’t pick up, I smsed him at 11pm, waited until I slept off and he called at 12.26 am. No idea what he’s doing. Then yesterday, whole day morning till night he didn’t call me. Today morning, he called me, 11.05am. Talked for 5 mins, I tried to be cheerful even though I’m going to break down inside. I asked him why he couldn’t call me, he said he wasn’t at home whole day, 1am only went home, didn’t want to wake me up. How’s that in comparison with my whole day worry?

Then I was joking around with him and he said if you don’t answer me I’ll cut the call, presumably joking as well. So I ignored him, just to see his reaction, and he cut the call.

Okay fine. He called me a few mins later, I cut his call.

What’s your reaction, baby?

Result: He ignored me until NOW, which is 12.47pm, almost two hours. Even though I’ve smsed him to call me and I’m admitting I lose in ignorance and I just want him to call me back to talk.

Guess what? NO REPLY.

Yeah, so much for loving me forever and always.

You can’t even call me.

P.S: He was in a very good mood today morning. Insensitive to my whole day worry yesterday, just brushed off with excuses and told me he went school today for club activity. He “jokingly” told me he went to school to look at girls, but darling, be careful.

I have my patience limit waiting for your calls and your reasons.

I might just believe you one day and you wouldn’t like me when I explode.

I couldn’t hold him near me anymore. He’s drifting further away, telling me about himself when he wants to, and ignoring me when he’s too happy someplace else.

Sad~

All-gone-wrong day

Woke up late today.

Didn't talk to DL at all in the morning.

Didn't bring all my textbooks for SPBT.

Didn't bring brush for calligraphy competition.

Didn't buy sejarah exercise book so could not pass up.

On top of it have to deal with selling a bouquet of flowers costing rm30-rm50.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Till then,

Flowery Flowers

Flowers for you!!

These are the flowers planted by my second aunt. She's wonderful at gardening. She has so many lovely flowers and plants that I think they deserve a post. XD

Those photos below are taken while I'm at there during CNY holidays.

Enjoy!

Cactuses...looks like coral right?

Bushes of flowers

This isn't grass!! It's Japanese rose vines. Really special

Pots and pots~

Different types of flowerless plants

Me with a gigantic mass of purple bougainvillea~

Cat's whiskers!! Pretty? :)

White cat's whiskers...

Orange flowers

Purple bougainvillea. Common, but lovely in its way

Clusters of them

Close-up shot

Flowers~~

Cactuses~~look at the children of the cactus...they're like fingers!!

Doesn't she have amazing green fingers??? I am in awe!! ^^

When...

This is so true...^^...read and learn, read and learn. :P

When she walks away from you mad
(Follow her)

When she stares at your mouth
(Kiss her you idiot)

When she pushes you or hits you
(Grab her and dont let go)

When she starts cussing at you
(Don't cuss back and make her feel worse, just deal with it for the time being)

When she's quiet
(Ask her what's wrong, but not a billion times when she says nothing)

When she ignores you
(Give her your attention)

When she pulls away
(Pull her back)

When you see her at her worst
(Tell her she's beautiful)

When you see her start crying
(Just hold her and dont say a word)

When you see her walking
(Sneak up and hug her waist from behind)

When she's scared
(Protect her)

When she lays her head on your shoulder
(Tilt her head up and kiss her)

When she steals your favourite shirt
(Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night)

When she teases you
(Tease her back and make her laugh)

When she doesn't answer for a long time
(Reassure her that everything is okay)

When she look's at you with doubt
(Back yourself up)

When she says that she likes you
(She really does. More than you could understand.)

When she grab's at your hands
(Hold her's and play with her fingers)

When she bump's into you
(Bump into her back and make her laugh)

When she tell's you a secret
(Keep it safe and untold)

When she looks at you in your eyes
(Don't look away until she does)

When she misses you
(She's hurting inside)

When you break her heart
(The pain never really goes away)

When she says its over
(She still wants you to be hers)

And when I say I love you Delien, I do. 

From the bottom of my heart.

^^

Being a prefect...

Did you ever notice that when you change two alphabets around "prefect" it becomes "perfect"?

But prefects are usually far from perfect nowadays...

Oh forgot to tell you that I'm officially a prefect...I haven't been writing since CNY...forgotten.

Anyway..

:D I'm changing uniform to senior U!!! :P

I look...eeee...

When I buy d shirts i was so mad because the shop auntie and my mom keep on saying "We see very fit ah, perfect d....blah blah...." but im x1000 times uncomfortable because its like bigger....>< and they are like keep forcing me to say it's perfect. wtf.

Then after...first day i didn't go school...go kedah get late angpaus...ponteng sekolah.....

Second day i went school...no tie...gotta buy d. but the seller not around....then i don't know what 2 do...then the extremely seniors (F5) were standing around don't know what to do with me. Then suddenly somebody handed a tie to somebody who handed it 2 me. Lol...I don't even know who lent me the spare tie. Gonna ask later.

Then i wear the horrible tie that's going to cekik me....(absolutely joking of course...)

I'm in group 12...special group...

Do files.

=.=//// how stupid can that be? I spent 3 days dutying every damn corner of the school and in the end I'm doing file? O.O

Wu liao...

Pros: Don't have to sweat...got fan, got aircon, no need scream at the students, no need deal with students...no need get insulted...no need leg sour...:P...maths improve...

Cons: Slightly boring...that's all...

But it's much easier...no arguing...unless argue with the files...haha...

Dutying at canteen is worst...have to argue with the students...once a guy left lots of rubbish on table, prefect ask pick up throw away, guy said its not him who leave d rubbish, prefect say i saw u wor...and it goes on and on.

So im lucky...^^

Two friends...(a guy and a girl...blek) said i look better in the new uniform!! ^^^^^^^^

Havent taken any pics yet coz i hv bad hair day...so i look shitty rite now...;)

Till then,

Sore sore throat...

I have a sore sore throat..............................................

It hurts like hell, and I can't do anything about it. I HATE SORE THROATS!!

And it's CNY too...wth...can't eat ANYTHING...

No appetite also....

God help me...T.T

This is way killing me...blehhhhh!!!

Drank about 1 million litres of WATER...salt added...no effect.

Okay there was mild soothing but it lasts only 5 minutes.

And now if I eat anything or even drink anything I feel wanna throw up. BLEHHHHHH!!!

What a stupid CNY...

T.T